5 Imperfect Things About Being A Perfectionist
It’s that familiar feeling when I’m about to hit the “send” button – my heart is pounding and I’m terrified there’s a huge mistake I’m missing. I think to myself I’d better not send right now so I don’t slip up and embarrass myself. I step back from the brink of the brink of disaster to noodle my writing once more. Being a perfectionist, it’s probably the 68th time this has happened.
We all want to be perfect. We admire others who never seem to make a mistake for their apparent grace and skill. How nice would it be to have others see us just like that? The problem with being a perfectionist is that it doesn’t make you perfect, it slows you down. It gets in the way of progress and can actually breed a lot of health problems.
Getting over the desire to be “perfect” is the first step to being excellent, and first you have to know the signs of when perfectionism is getting in your way. Here are five things to remember when you find yourself being a perfectionist.
Perfectionism Is Insecurity In Disguise
Perfectionism is such an insidious beast because it helps you mask fears and hesitations with a seemingly noble aspiration. Being a perfectionist is an excellent excuse not to take a risk or move forward because you might believe others are more likely to honor your desire for perfection than your totally legitimate concerns. “He’s an artist and a genius, give him space!” feels better to hear than “You’re just scared.”
The truth is that you can’t be perfect because perfection is a state of not being. The Oxford English Dictionary defines perfection as “the condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects.” The only way to be perfect is to not have a flaw, and you stop being perfect the moment you have one. Any hesitation that slows or stops your growth is a flaw, so waiting to be perfect in and of itself makes you imperfect.
Being a perfectionist leads to major procrastination, something we know is deeply rooted in insecurity. Doubts bring up negative emotions which cause you to want to avoid the task at hand. Instead of waiting for your masterpiece to be “perfect,” instead take a look inside at what’s blocking you from moving forward now.
Being A Perfectionist Is A Crushing Responsibility
Being perfect is a very tall order. Throughout our history humanity typically only understands God to be perfect, and even that is the subject of many debates and wars. If an omnipotent deity can’t be perfect in everyone’s eyes, it’s hard to see how you or any other mortal could be either.
It makes sense then that perfectionism often arises from having to grow up too fast. When a child feels the need to support or take care of others for whatever reason, he or she may assume extra and unnecessary pressures. This confusion grows through life and develops into over protectiveness for him or herself and others.
Life is hard enough without the extra pressure of having to save everyone. Why add so much more tension to your already crowded plate? You will never have everyone revere you as “perfect” anyway, so save yourself the energy and enjoy being a beautifully flawed human.
It Deprives Others Of Your Gift
While you’re busy trying to impress others with how perfect you are, you’re holding back the one thing that’s guaranteed to have the biggest impact of all. Your unique talent or gift is what creates magic in the hearts of others and draws them to you, not your ability to rise above human frailty. You’re putting yourself at a major disadvantage when you let perfectionism take the wheel.
Your gift comes naturally and being perfect doesn’t. It takes almost no energy to act when you’re in line with your passions, and intense amounts of energy to hold up the perfection facade. What else could you have in your life if you directed that effort somewhere else?
One of my favorite concepts I learned from Russell Brunson in his book Expert Secrets is that if you have something that will help other people and improve their lives, it is your moral obligation to bring it to them. You have your gift so that you can share it with others. Every second you delay to be “perfect” is that much more time you go against your divine directive.
Being A Perfectionist Makes You Slow
When you think of someone who’s “perfect,” you might imagine they’re always on time, always neatly polished, and never missing a beat. He or she gracefully glides through life with seemingly no effort and strikes every note at exactly the right time. If this is what you’re striving for by being a perfectionist, you’re in for a rude awakening.
Perfectionism doesn’t help you go fast at all – in fact it slows you down. Studies show perfectionism often leads to low productivity, missed deadlines and several other issues. In many cases, successful perfectionists are found to succeed in spite of their perfectionist behaviors, not because of them.
It’s strange that being a perfectionist doesn’t allow you to be perfect at all. Trying to appear poised and on point can actually ruin your performance more than casual carelessness. If you’re looking to move with speed, it’s time to let perfectionism go.
Perfectionism Disconnects You From Others
When you chase perfection to have greater love and adoration from others, you actually receive quite the opposite. Hesitating and stressing to have every detail just right drives a wedge between you and the outside world. Your fear that others might find a flaw and expose you for the fraud you may believe yourself to be puts massive distance between you. You spend all that energy to impress, only to have less than what you started with.
Each of us at our core wants and needs meaningful relationships with other people in our lives. Some behaviors help you create deep and lasting connections, and studies show that perfectionism isn’t one of them. It stems from a perceived inability to please others which causes you to immediately and subconsciously distance yourself from people around you.
In some cases, being a perfectionist can even kill you. Elevated heart rate and stress levels take their toll on your body over time and break down your natural defenses. One study showed that older individuals with perfectionist traits had a 50% higher risk of death than others without those traits. Live a long life with meaningful relationships by kicking perfectionism to the curb.
Better Than Perfect
One of my favorite mantras I got from Dan Henry is “Done is the new perfect.” Getting your work out there is more important than getting it out there flawlessly. The only way to grow is to learn, and the only way to learn is to make mistakes. Fail early and fail often.
Take a look at what’s on your to-do list right now – is there anything there you’re holding up by being a perfectionist? What beautifully flawed gift do you have that you can share with the world today?
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